I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
