I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
