You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
