Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
