I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
