I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
