she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did I show you my penis last night?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
