There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
