All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
