I think my fart just growled at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
