Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
