I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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