Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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