Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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