I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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