We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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