will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
