Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
