No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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