so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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