Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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