he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was like his penis was on wheels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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