carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
