Pappa wants mamma naked
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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