i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
