i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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