you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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