Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize