You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
