it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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