she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
