Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
