Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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