just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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