he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
