listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
