The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
