I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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