I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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