GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
