Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
