pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
