Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
