headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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