dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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