Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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