Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
