I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
