he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
