Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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