last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
