i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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